


Sally's Scars

by multifandomgeek



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Crying, Declarations Of Love, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Girls Kissing, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love, hopeful, self-harm scars, they talk about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 14:17:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17830145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifandomgeek/pseuds/multifandomgeek
Summary: Out of the blue, Sally can't stop thinking about the old scars on her arm. She's losing herself to the anxiety. Luckily, Denise notices and is promptly there to say exactly what Sally needs to hear.





	Sally's Scars

They were watching a TV Show in the living room. It was nice to set a whole TV night sometimes, with popcorn and the lights dimmed and the rare bottle of non-diet soda. They even got some blankets from the bedroom to be even cozier. 

The fact that it was a special night was making Sally even guiltier about her current anxiety. 

It came out of nowhere, a guy in the show cut himself on a fight and suddenly all Sally could think about were the scars on her arm. She was touching them lightly, feeling the bumps that were so faint it was almost as she was feeling them just because she knew they were there. 

The scars were white and hadn’t itch or hurt for years now. It didn’t matter, she felt like it was yesterday that she had cut the last time. She felt so utterly ashamed, so lost in the thoughts of blood and pain and euphory. It was worse than if she was a drug addict, she thought, because after you quit, a while later no one can tell you were addicted just by looking at you. Her scars would be there forever, exposing her against her will.

And that had been part of the appeal, if she was honest. Back then, she had wanted them to be there forever, as a reminder of the absolute shit of a person that she was, so she could never forget her mind was a black hole. So she would never be able to trust herself again. Back then, she thought the marks were so beautiful, in their morbid way. She did it on her arm on purpose just so she would always have to look at them. 

But that was a lifetime ago. She didn’t feel that way anymore. She was good, now. She had to believe she was. She had a job, and paid her own bills, and showered every day, and ate every day, it wasn’t even so hard looking in the mirror anymore. She was in a relationship, damn it. Such a wonderful relationship they were living together, for months now. 

But the scars were still there and, for the life of her, Sally couldn’t quite figure out how her mind wasn’t a black hole anymore. She put her nail over one of the scars and pushed hard, trying to conjure the pain she had craved so much in the past. Did she still crave it? No… right? Not anymore, for sure...

She pushed harder and her heart started to race. She was so engulfed on this downward spiral that she didn’t even notice when Denise paused the TV to look at her. She didn’t hear her calling her name either. She only snapped out of it when Denise took her hands, ever so gently, and forced her to look at her face.

Oh, she was so beautiful. She deserved so much better.

“Stop it”, said Denise. “Come back to me.”

“I’m here”, Sally said, still kind of out of it.

“I know you are not. What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“Yeah”, Sally said, unconvincingly, and took her arms out of her girlfriend’s gentle grip to look at the scars. She was quiet for a while and Denise was waiting, knowing she would eventually say something. “Don’t you think…” I’m a monster, she thought. She tried again. “How can you… “ be attracted to me when I’m horrible inside and out, she completed on her head, but stopped herself to say it. “I was thinking about my scars. How they will always be there to remind me of how unstable and awful I am”, she finally said, still looking down at her arms. Denise put her hand on Sally’s cheek, forcing her to look up. Thankfully, she didn’t have pity in her eyes. She was serious like she wanted Sally to never forget what she was about to say.

“I love you. So much. I love every single part of you, including your scars”, she reached and pulled lightly on Sally’s arm, taking it to her lips and kissing each of the white lines that marked it. 

“No”, she said, pulling her arm back against her body, as if she wanted to hide it inside of herself. “You don’t have to love them. They are not beautiful. They are awful. They are a mark of the worst in me.”

Denise was silent for a while. She looked like she was pondering her words carefully, but Sally wasn’t really looking for her compassion.

“You don’t have to find a way to say they are a “hero’s mark”, or whatever tumblr bullshit people try to come up with to make people like me feel better. I know it was awful to do this, I know it only made people suffer, believe me, I know everything there is to know about this. You don’t have to come up with some poetic lie for me. I wasn’t even gonna say anything, I…”

“I wasn’t”, interrupted Denise. “I wasn’t coming up with a romantic thing, I was just trying to think about how could I say that even if I love you endlessly and think you are so beautiful, I don’t think your scars are beautiful. I wish you didn’t have them, but I know that even if you didn’t, that would not mean you didn’t suffer.”

“What if I do it again someday. What if I fall that hard again?”, she said. ‘I don’t wanna lose you’, she thought, feeling the sting of unshed tears in her eyes.

“You know, if I could go back in time and be there for you through it, I would”, Denise said and looked into Sally’s eyes. “Even if I had to see them freshly done and help you clean them. Even if I had to say that ‘I love you’ every day and see you make new ones anyway. I would,” she was crying now. They both were. “I would, baby. I would take care of you until you believed me.”

“I’m sorry you are stuck with me, but I love you so much,” she said, and Denise touched her face again and she closed her eyes, letting the tears fall but feeling lighter at the same time. She felt her eyes being kissed, and she cried even more.

“I’m not ‘stuck’ with you, silly. I’m here because I want to and because you want me here.” She kissed her mouth, briefly. “We work for this. We deserve it, you and me. We will be happy from now on. And when we are sad we will be sad together. If you ever feel that low again, or even just a little bit low, promise me you won’t hide it”. 

“I won’t feel that way again, I promise.”

“That’s not what I’m asking”, Denise said. Sally’s heart swelled up so much she couldn’t even believe it. 

“I promise not to be sad alone”, said Sally, like she was making an oath. Denise smiled.

“I promise not to be sad alone too”, she said, and Sally kissed her. 

They kissed like the world was ending, full of love and promises. Each one of them was trying to put everything they were feeling for each other into the kiss. The show was forgotten, the blankets fell to the floor and they ended up on top of one another in their small couch, hungry for each other, making love as if their life depended on it. 

-

Afterward, they ordered pizza and put “Hairspray” on, which was Sally’s ‘cheer-up’ movie, and watched it half naked sprawled over the blankets on the floor.

Sally was trying to feed Denise a slice of pizza and pulling it away at the last second, until Denise got fed up with it and tackled her. A greasy game of tag ensued, and by the end of it, their cheeks were hurting from laughing and singing along to the film. 

“Maybe we should get a cat”, said Denise, her head on Sally’s lap watching John Travolta swirl around.

“So we can be a real lesbian couple?” Sally said. Denise snorted.

“That too. But also so it could scratch you and you could get new scars on top of the old ones. You would think of the kitty when you looked at them, then.”

“Wow, thanks for caring for my physical integrity”, Sally joked, but it wasn’t such a bad idea.

“Let’s look up shelters!” Denise said, looking up at Sally excitedly, making her smile,

“Let’s.”

**Author's Note:**

> I've written for 3 days in a row and am super proud of myself. 
> 
> Hope you guys like this short fluffy story that is kind of a wish for my own future. 
> 
> We are all gonna be alright. ;)


End file.
